Believe it!

Believe it!

It is already 19th of January (EST), which sums up that I have anihilated my new year's resolution to zilchi and did not post one entry after the turn of New Year. Just to compensate the broken promise and restore my honor,  I will post everyday from now on. Believe it!

I have just been to White Castle now and ate three of the famous weird sized and shaped 'sandwiches', one of regular and two of cheeseburger; it would not have occurred to me had it not for the inspiration that I got by Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, the long missed masterpiece. I just sent back the DVD on my way out to White Castle nearby. I never am a fan of any sort of fast food, to say the least of this off the main stream, known as all time soggy burgers. Rumor says that they are offering healtier junk for ther little use of oil, which I doubt. Still, I felt like going there to catch some of the same junk Harld and Kumar ended their long jorney with; that made me think as if I were a fool to miss what I could have without venturing all the way in New Jersy just like they did in the movie; the Whtie Castle in the neighborhood is just like five blocks away, right next to the police station. The movie was indeed the masterpiece as talked about for a couple of years up to now; I heard my then lover, a college professor, talk highly of the movie, and that became the very first movie that I made a pick of after I had signed up for Netflix.

I just happened to read my old blog that is no longer supposed to be accessible, and recollected certain knack of posting more frequently; I was submitting almost everyday circa 2004, and I was more casual about publishing any of my writing no matter what it was about and how silly it was. I was little conscious of readers as well as myself; I was more innocent as a writer who is supposed to expect the open readership. I guess that is the most drastic difference. I hardly believed anybody was reading what I wrote there at the time, which turned out to be false.

I had been off from any routine due to the working gear that I was at over the holidays, year end and new year; I am seriously thinking of keeping away from the work after the court appearance that I had made this time. My lawyer made me think what I can still restore now and what I would possibly risk once I am back at work, and ultimately let me do the math. He just drew a picture of the wonderful world of being alive even when persecuted, or better so then in a paradoxical way. Now I hardly feel like working, especially in the set up that I have to deal drugs as well as sex. I went to sleep that night with the image of my new lawyer's face and his presence, which put me at ease and peace. I cannot afford to trash life of mine as well as others', that I am so sure of, but then, it is challenging to resist the knoledge how fast you can make once you make your mind up. The question is if it is worth risking everything. This is merely a matter of balancing your benefit out of positive and negative. I wonder if I still feel like it with everyhthing considered, after seeing all ruined including close friends and husband, narrowly myself as well. That is the real resolution of this year; to examine the real worth of everything, first and foremost, the worth of my life.