pop life
I have been feeling ill for a while, and trying to find out what it really is that torments me this much. Now that our marriage is so horrendous that I can only equip myself with all the documentation that might come handy later in any official matter.
I have some void in my guts, though. This hurts me a lot.
I have come back in the place where I used to live with my husband. The place is now a real crack house that makes me feel repulsive. If there is any resentment or regret that I feel about that I after all made the decision to marry this pshychopath was that he is somebody not capable of being with anybody. Well, then, why did he bother to marry me except that he was looking for somebody to drag into hell with himself?
Nar Anon meeting that I attended the other day in the area gave me another frank insight for the issue. An old woman came to me aftter the meeting to say this;
at some point, all of us in the room wish our qualifiers (people who cause troubles and suffering to people who come to Nar Anon meeting) to die. My son is in Isreal and the joke is that he was in somewhere close to the point that was bombed the other day. I am telling you. I wished him dead by the bomb.