Text and Prejudice

can I indent?

By the way, can I possibly indent in this new tblog system?

Boy, sigh.

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there is a lot of drama in PhD

I just ate a box of chocolate that I had in my fridge in order to prepare for this coming Valentine day with my quasi husband as I was listening to all these ridiculous Korean blues (circa 40's?) played in a call in radio. Out of crack or any kind of substances, I feel so low that do not feel like doing anything. Don't even feel like going out to get somehting. I have kept away from my husband's place in Forest Hills. It feels like forever but it has been only a couple of days. Funny how much I lose track of time while I am on it. I was supposed to go back to Forest Hills last night but I got simply turned off, nagged and stayed here in Brooklyn, my old home. My quasi husband would end up having his cousin's not even a quasi wife, but more like a girl friend from one of North Euro countries (I can't name here).

The question was how necessary it would be to have her over to out 'crackhouse' where there is no light nor shower curtain in the guest bathroom, neither a matress for her nor...I am getting tired to continue. More importantly, though, what do we have to have somebody else over for, especially when none of real residents, which includes me, is not treated ever sufficiently?

I was pissed and told him that I would not cooperate for this. I was not responsible but he was for this house guest that I barely know. His cousin is a professor teaching somewhere in North European country. He coordinated this relationship with his lover as seemingly a bartering to offer her, a very young and unqualifying amourous, a teaching job in one of those ivy league while he is away. She was his former student god know how long ago and now she is apparently sitting somewhere inappropreate; she does not seem to have any advanced degree nor any prospect of catching up with where she is situated, either. She has nothing like an academic. Should I consider this as some kind of affirmative action for white woman? On top of all the above, am I to be blamed for her not having the right kind of bedding in our place? Even when her lover is away? Give me a fat break. You have to have at least a PhD to teach in the US university system and if you are devoid of it and still miraculously teaching, you have to question who is working to get you there. If you want to be a house guest to where I live, you first have to be my friend. I don't even know this woman. I don't even know what happened after I got off the phone saying 'I am not going to go back. Good bye. I am not responsible for what you are struggling for now,' which was only true to me. All I knew was my cell phone kept lighting the red sting of incoming call just like a fire in the darkness of my room, where I was falling asleep with my feline husband.

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Feminism: mothers and daughters

To certain generation of women from suburbs, feminism is as it were their mother figures; someone's wanting to be validated as a feminist is same as seeking for a validation as 'the mother's daughter'. This is the idea Tracy Quan brought up in her interview in $pread magazine.

I have always thoght that the relationship or attachment/detachment women have with femminism has so much to do with thier relationship with their mothers. Then, 'surburban women', as Tracy Quan refers to, of certain generation apparently can and should be translated into other kinds of categorization depends on the chart they apply accordingly. If I develop the above, I wonder what the third world women's case would be. In the current and prevalent discourse, women of color and women from third world condition have been somehow handled as off the line of thought or treated in rather a twisted manner; the nature of the theory is after all designed to serve white women in the first world, and the rest ends up serving to their interest instead of benefit any of the structure.

The irony is that the voice like Tracy Quan comes from somewhere far from the mainstream feminism and paradoxically presents the hybrid of the line of thoughts, which might bring some fresh air in the dead end of the current discourse on sexworkers' rights and feminism. My impulse is that TQ is someone who is very conscious of human rights that tries to include men and women rather than pursuing only women's right and dismissing men's human rights. This makes me aware of something what has been overlooked. We female sexworkers tend to easily forget how many male escorts are out there working as we do and in need of protection of human rights as much as we do.

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The Crackhead's New Year

Dear Readers;

How do you maintain your sanity in daily life? I belive I have to stay away from substance abuse to begin with this year. But most of all, I have to split with my soon to be legal husband! Just staying with a man makes me feel as I am goddamn working 24/7 and to be with this man? Priceless! That is the reason that I am now keeping away in Bklyn, my old sweet home.

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