Their good festival last weekend at the expense of a ripped off customer
04.30.05 (3:21 pm) [edit]As I had expected to get the re-fund credit issued back to my account, I was utterly happy to find it there today. The next thing I knew was, though, that the amount of credit was $32.54 less than the price I paid initially for this electronic dictionary/translator. I paid $184.68 for it with tax and the shipping fee included. Now they might have deducted 15% out of the price I paid plus some extra that I don't know.
As soon as I got the package, I reached them to let them know that I would return the product because of the very limited quality of it. They did not return the credit although they said they did. I disputed over it. Now they did it without communicating to do so but I need the description of the amount that is gone.
The address of where they are located might mean something; avenue J in Bklyn. You know what this infers if you are ever around in the neighborhood. Yeah, I bet they had a good one over the last weekend on my money.
A crashed date and a poetry reading
04.30.05 (3:03 pm) [edit]Since I have not heard from my friend who might meet up with, I need set for another engagement tonight. I have been invited to a poetry reading in a newly opened cafe (somebody knows how to put accent sur 'e' of the cafe?) in the neighborhood. I am not going to perform but just to sit around to show my support for the budding new culture in the neighborhood. It is such a good thing to have this sort of thing to fall back on around my place when one prospect on weekend night crashed already.
at three pm
04.30.05 (2:09 pm) [edit]Stayed up until ten thirty. Just got up after four and a half hours of sleep.
Reading on
04.30.05 (4:29 am) [edit]by Henry James. It is a shame that I did not know nor had read this short story that handles the sexual transaction between men and women;how detrimental it could be to be when a woman is physically attractive, for she has to be tossed around among men as an object. Her, Julia's, case was that she got engaged for six times to fail all whereas her mother got married three times to end up devorcing. How about that?
R.Yamagata!?
04.29.05 (1:14 pm) [edit]Rachel Yamagata was singing in my dream this morning. Given that I have not seen her move or sing so far, to say the least, having heard barely a couple of seconds of her tune somewhere, where on earth did this tune come from ?
crying out loud for a help
04.28.05 (2:46 pm) [edit]I have been slacking off too much too long. Last night I fell asleep without even turning the light off, as I was reading a book that was unnecessary to any of my school work.
I am a huge procrastinater and the more I get snowed under and up to my neck for things to get done, the more I feel like doing somehting totally unrelated.
Practically I have to wrte two new papers and two re-write. The thing is that reading is not really completed.
grrrrrrrl unproductive!
04.28.05 (12:38 am) [edit]I have been quite unproductive. I sense that something is not working right in myself. Just let the radio on and listening to French news program not much intentively.
Hail Fasbinder!
04.27.05 (9:03 pm) [edit]"The ideal love is unmotivated; with no reason nor purpose."
Now I cried a bit over the words above of Fasbinder, the German film director. This reminded me of how wonderful he always could be! Although I know how impossible it is, or all the more, he is always magical figure to show what was not manifested before.
Persepolis 2
04.26.05 (10:35 pm) [edit]The trouble that I had when I read Persepolis 1 was that I was uncertain if I knew enough about Iranian politics and the history, especially in the era of turmoil. Since it was promoted as a female (and then as a kid's) point of view and voice to conpemsapte the underrepresentation of Arabic world under the apres 9-11, some people recognized the French graphic memoir came out a couple of years ago here in the US. The work was originally done in French and published France that went even a couple more years back.
Although it does compensate the unfair presumption and stereotype about women in Islam and Arab, the work would rather be called as a voice of the previlaged woman in Iran. I don't dismiss this work but it should have an extra caution; this work does not necessarily describe or illustrate average citizens of the society. This is an undeniable description of what a woman of the previledged class captured but that does not represent the real predicament people faced, especiallly women.
Although those points I made above sour, I enjoy her works. I hurriedly placed a hold on Persepolis 2 when I discovered that it was alreay accessinble in the library of my neighborhood. I would rather call this better than Part 1 because it handles more universal topics of woman that readers can relate to.
Relapse?
04.26.05 (7:58 pm) [edit]I bought a pack of coffee today, which I had stayed away for a long time; there was a time that I was heavily addicted to coffee and ended up developing a persistent and unknown pain in my right breast. The remedy that I got and stuck to was to cut down coffee that surmounted to a kettle a day. I still do have coffee but I try not to have it more than a cup or two a day and I have been painfree. The knack is that I don't have any coffee in my place; same trick as I stopped smoking. I once a while relapspe for both habits that I was supposed to have kicked a long time ago. Don't panick unless you binge or chainsmoke. But make sure that you don't bring any of the bad habit into your own room; it gets to be a problem when you enjoy it without any company or an interruption. You call it addiction when it happens. Take it seriously.
So, the coffee today was some temptation that I couldn't really resisit. It never occurred to me until today but the idea was if I could allow myself to have it in my place and limit it to consume a cup a day. Besides, I go buy $1~2 coffee outside. Given that I am trying to make my room the coziest place for me, it is worth trying.
the May Lady (98, Iran)
04.26.05 (6:51 pm) [edit]by Rakhshan Bani-Etemad. This is a movie about a female documentary film maker in Iran in late nineties. Even in first ten minutes, I stopped for I had a problem of keeping to watch. Given this is about opression for women in the society, I should interprete that the movie is serving to the theme when the protagonist find her teenage son as another domineering male presence in her life. Since they live as a single mother and the only son for a while, the protagonist bewilders to encounter her son's indirenct but imposing opposition for her seeking for another man's love in her lfe. The issue of feminism hits h er and she finds herself torn beteen two different values, a traditional devoting mother who sacrifices herself for her children and family and a woman who fulfills her sexuality. However, the immediate reason that I could not bear to keep on watching was a scene where the angry son treats her mom like a servant; the mom accidentally splashes some water (liquid) on his favorite shirt. The angry son insists that it is the only shirt he want to go school with when the mom suggests there're a bunch more to change into. After all, his sullen attitude automaticly cues mom to wipe it.
This scene puzzled me for its lacking criticism; it is even followed the mom's internal monologue as "recently he acts like my man." They remains the dark age of feminism because of this unawareness of role playing of gender. It is unthinkable to let a man treat his mother this way, but how people are actually unaware of it! If a man can respect women comes down to how he perceives his mother. In the same token, how many women give in the role of slave mother, or rather willing to participate it! That is the point of how the culture passes on to the next generation and reinformed. Peole never get over the troubled convention of slave mom until women are lucid about it and begin to say firm no.
downtown
04.24.05 (10:29 pm) [edit]I wound up in Target in Atlantic Ave; I did not know where I was headed for when I left my place in the afternoon. It was the weather that kept me walking until I hit a newly opened mall in the downtown area. I never like any mall but I stepped in just to want to see what it would be like. There was no way not to welcome any positive phenomenon in Bklyn.
I did not mean to buy more than very essential material such as toilet tissues and pastas. In that sense, I managed not to sidetrack, which was good. However, I spent way longer than I meant to there. Besides, I was completely exhausted when I got home with all the purchased items such as a bundle of twelve toilet rolls. The worst part of the stoy was that I was already planning when I would go back there.
Passover
04.24.05 (12:57 pm) [edit]I realized that I couldn't get Regina Spektor's music off my mind when I was in bed tired and just ready to fall asleep. It never stops.
my contribution to passover
04.23.05 (10:35 pm) [edit]Don't laugh if I said that I am reading a book titled There are Jews in my house right now. Actually it is such a well written collection of short stories done by the author emigrated from Moscow originally to the brighten beach, yeah, the local Isreal for Bklyn Russian Jews. My soon to be husband is one of them. Oh, I gotta go for it is tome to cover my face in front of shabatt candles.
the time that I am dying to scold Koreans
04.23.05 (9:40 pm) [edit]I have got to admit that I have a plenty of occasions of getting fed up with them. It is not that I am tired of their mimicking mentality, which is often brought up as an issue, but the quality of the imitation. Imagine how I was thrown off to have bitten a cream buscuit (a pastry covered by some cooky crust with filling of custard) that I got from a Korean pastry shop that apparently borrowed every items and ideas from thier Japanese competitor in NYC. My heart sank to&n bsp;discover the texture that has far apart from the original cream buscuit one Japanese pastry shop originated. O.K, if you mimick the original, be more faithful.
Soviet Kitsch
04.22.05 (11:04 pm) [edit]Regina Spektor is a Russian Jew in NYC, who emmigrated from USSR in 89 when she was nine. The very trouble that I run into by this CD of hers"Soviet Kitsch" is that the content of it is different from what it advertises; look at this jacket. I finally bought this after some contemplation on what the cover signifies; her music is far from what this cover infers, such as the provocative and misunderstanding between East and West and some fruitful outcome of the crash of two. It was rather a boring female solo like all of those north American contemporary singers. If only she has got any better way of representing herself as ant identity she names as a Jew, a Russian in the NY or an American female, because it's got such a quality in sounds including her dramatic voice. When it forms a song, though, it suffers for its dullness.
Dworkin? Died?
04.21.05 (12:31 pm) [edit]No. Oh, no! I never knew she has been dead for a couple of weeks!
Gosford Park
04.18.05 (12:52 am) [edit]Have seen Gosford Park; I hardly remember the time when it was supposed to be released. I am curious how this heavily Marxist theory toned movie was introduced and promoted. It was such a good one, with all the dazzling sets and details, oh let's not forget the cast as well, and I have literally enjoyed a movie for the first time in a while. However, the question never went away;
1) Could audiences really follow and enjoy the movie with the very articulate message against Class system?
2) How was it appreciated, if they accepted it as Evert said he raised his and co-worker's thums up?
Customer Service Sucks!
04.17.05 (10:49 pm) [edit]Anybody has an opinion about internet providers? This time I almost switched the one that I had held on to to something that charges a half price of it a month for a absurd matter. The silly problem was that the cc that I signed in with had been expired for a while (in Jan this year) but they did not notify or anything until two days ago when they shut the service down out of the blue (at least to me).
I rushed to the phone and attemped to give them another card number that I am currently using but they refused to take it saying they could not unless they verified the last four digits of the former card number that I could no longer remember. C'mon! It had been four months already and I discarded it a long time ago!
I finally setteled the problem after I had sproken to somebody who was less unreasonable and more flexible from another department. All in all, though, I was appalled to discover how stubborn and unreasonable their customer service was! The only bandit of the fight that I won was the discount price for the rest of the service that I will get from them. Therefore, it was worth fighting for. But I still can't complain enough about M*# and their rediculous cunstomer service from South Asia. I have nothing personal against those people located somewhere a half hemisphere away from but still trying hard to assist us but those who came up with the idea that the sort of customer service might work. Because it is not! Think about the absurdity these big corporates have resorted to to cut down their expenses and wages for workers! Fuck those corporate bastards! And think about all the time wasted on the silliest matter on earth! I am still with the same provider!
the gentrification in a neighborhood in Bklyn
04.17.05 (10:19 pm) [edit]It was unthinkable back in the time when I moved in six years ago that we have even a cafe. Now that the cafe culture is flourishing finally in my neighborhood, I don't need to go all the way to the Park Slope area, which is the representative of the few well off neighborhoods in Bklyn, just to grab a cup of coffee and sit down to do a small reading or contemplation in the morning. Now we have two within a couple of blocks from my apartment. It is a good start of spring; I cleand and made my room workable. Now I have got some cozy places out to sit down in the neighborhood, what can I ask more? I live in somewhere between Park Slope and Sunset Park. This area used be the poorest immigrants' area where people could have their garbadge removed less frequently and people tried to dumped here their even bigger shit such as the power plant, which is right in front of the water. However, some kind of gentrification is going on. The cafe culture is the undenyable effect of it. The area is yet to be cozy but apparently improved.
the nastiest time of a week
04.17.05 (8:00 pm) [edit]It is already a quarter after nine! I had some much to work on and very little has been done so far.
hooking up on campus
04.16.05 (9:27 am) [edit]In general, I am the least interested in hooking up with people that I run into in the school environment perhaps because it is the area that I would rather keep separate from the rest of my personal life.
Therefore it felt so weird to have these phone calls from the people I expected to hear from the least two nights in a row; one was my professor and the other was a student that I did not even know. Calls from the instructor were so frantic that I almost jumped to the thought that I had a blund such as I 'quoted' w/o quotation marks in my paper (!?) that I had submitted on Wed. I called him back when I got really tired of assuming the sort of improbable things. What I just discovered was that he kept calling me that franticly because he was 'concerned' for me from an impression he saw in me on Wed class. I have never met any instructor who bothers to make a series of calls based upo n his/her personal impressions and makes an excuse of 'being concerned'. There's a bunch of people who do that, especially guys but no professors. They have so much to lose on this sort of risky behavior on campus, even by a rumor.
The other one was a library worker who talked to me briefly. I was alarmed when I discovered that he thought himself to be entitled to call up a student's number that he is previledged to access due to his work at the library.
OK, I can go somewhere and make a report on this sort of matter if
a) I want to
b) I have a plenty of time on my hands
c) I trust people in the 'complaint department'
but none of the above is available in my current situation. So I close the case.
What is the problem?
04.15.05 (7:27 pm) [edit]Why am I feeling this drowsy? I was sleeping all night and day long until one pm. I have been on and off since then.
only alienation is universal
04.14.05 (9:42 pm) [edit]What epitomises a pain in the job might be that working consequently alienates the workers; working necessarily involves the exploitation. Therefore it let others make money for their family while working girls, at least people around me, are mostly isolated from thier own family. In other words, their loose family can often become the reason of their working. Coincidently or inevitably, only people who have no tight family ended up working in the business. It might be the reason that their huge but unseen support and contribution to others' fulfilling thier family lives somehow looks sad, sadder than what it really is. The real working life has no room to let the sentimentalism linger.
The Ritual
04.12.05 (11:09 pm) [edit]I wouldn't dare to ask anybody whether he/she ever saw this video Monday's Girls, partly because it is not a feature/theater movie but a nonfiction that was originated in BBC's TV program. This is a film that describes a virginity accessment ritual that a girl goes through in a tribal community in Nigeria. To get officially validated as a virgin is equal to get ready to mate and to marry in their society. What they practically do is to have girls bare their breast to the whole community after a certain period of special preparation with a number of obligations such as what to eat and how to spend the period being the least activeso that they would gain weight. They are a sort of confined in a house during the whole time in the preparation where older women attend them to carry out the preparation without any interruption or any excuse of not performing the duty. The girls in the period have their legs tightly held by a set of the equipment of steel coils to seriously limit their physical move.
The camera follows two girls from different backgrounds to make a comparison and the case study from the differences; one is a local girl who is taking the ceremony very seriously and looking forward to participating it. The other is a girl whose father is a powerful figure in the tribe; she is temporarily back to the place from where she currently lives to attend school to study music. Since she is getting the higher educaiton, privilaged to be exposed to other cultures in the big city, she scorns the ritual and the culture of her tribe back in the community to be primitive and disaproves of the women's condition. She argues and causes constant conflicts with the locals everytime anything she does not want to give in is forced. She has to come back here, though, just because she does not want to let her father lose his face in the community. She did not necessarily want to jeopardize her reputation as a woman in the community, either: if she avoids the public ritual of the virgin acessment, it would be possible that people rumor that she was not a virgin, therefore she ran away from it. Imagine the pressure she had to face.
On the day of the ritual, the first girl 'passes' the ritual and gets approved to be a legitimately marriagable woman whereas the latter one fails for she couldn't bring herself to parade in the ritual that she did not have any faith in.
"I had to gulp some beer to get over certain fear and embarrasement before I marched in front of the public baring my breast. My father encouraged me and let me drink before the ceremony. After a bit, I did not know what I was at anymore," the first girl says.
She and all other gils who marched as baring their breats had the offcial validation from one of men who criticized and evaluated the girls shape that was supposed to be the proofs of their virginity and maturity to mate.
"Now you are fine," one the virgin examiners, who is dressed in a suit that has got a very loud pattern just as pajamas says to thier breasts offcially bared to their faces.
Wow, it sounds so scientific that I really believe these guys in pajamas and their grounds to judge the girls. I would never think these guys stupid rules are just another excuse of public humiliation of women. Nor would I say like it is shockingly same as the strip club environment. If only these official virgins get paid for their being so humiliated for the ritual that is too unworthy, really.
What happens to the other who did not pass. She just gets away after she failed the ceremony because of the stigma she has brought to the family. But I really thought that I would rather not pass that sort of test, either. However, I figure the predicament of the girl and how lethal it can be in the environment and have to sigh.
It is a COMMON problem of "the Third world" feminism; I know how easy it is to criticize the way the whole institutions of the third world function and cannot help admitting how similar the sex industry operates. Shame on them when they brazenly call it the rite passage and pressure young women to strip and call them finally 'right.' However, the toughest thing is where the second one, or anybody like her who is torn between two different values, is situated. She knows how the community works and pressures and is fully aware of what is wrong in respect of women's treatment and the role assigned to them in the community. But then, it is very difficult to refuse and leave it behind when you're a part of the institution. Especially for a woman such as her, all the previladges she has enjoyed in her life consists of the status she has in the community that she scorns.
In a scene where the first girl is put to go through the preparatory period in the house of confinement, married women of the community sit around her to lecture what the girl should expect from a married life.
"There are good men who treat you nice and gentle. But there are men who treat you brutally and beat you up in the marriage. All you can do is to pray."
What?
Oh, my. But haven't they forgotten that they have their legs to run away if the marriage turned out the latter instead of praying? The trick of making theim so inactive that they become big might have to do with this point: the doctrine is how to keep women inactive and immobile so that they would be paralysed mentally, and of course, physically.
Jane Eyre and father love
04.12.05 (9:50 pm) [edit]Aside from the tight schedule for the school matter, I have been at this reading on Jane Eyre and Father Love. I had not read the work from the persepective to consider the relationship of Jane and Rochester as a daughtrer/father one, which naturally examines the author's idea about what a father figure and paternal love could be, which was reprived of as a child and a young woman in the authore's own life. The father seemed to be an interesting, if not a safe, figure, though; a clergy with a lousy temper who fired occasionally when he was moping or angry. How about that? Can't be more troubling to deal with for the eldest daughter, who wanted to fill in her mother's role that died on the family earlier and all the kids who were to be the rally legend later on grew up to cling together. This became a major cause of their missing out on social development that worked negative and positive to each of them; for a borother, he grew up tp be an ultimate trouble maker of the family. For those writers, though, this gave a tremendous opportuni ty to develop thier talent and focus on thier creative works.
If only
04.12.05 (8:24 pm) [edit]A (working) girl's day off is mostly dedicated to school work. I just came home around nine. Have one more paper to get done. Since I was running around from nine this morning, wish I had nothing to conquer and just go to bed now. Have to go in school around twelve tomorrow and have to have my paper proofread. On top of it, I am going to take an exam tomorrow! So long, folks!
ah, you mean me?
04.11.05 (8:45 pm) [edit]I spotted these flyers put on a pole on a sidewalk that advertised some ethnic/religeous meeting in Midwood, Brooklyn. I felt a strong sense aversion for what it signified; the nature of the tightly knitted, religeously and race wise exclusive area. So as usual, feeling excluded and warily,I was roaming until i spotted those letters saying Rhabbi's lecture on what all women need to know before they they get married. Oh, is it about me? I cracked up but it was not a laughing matter. I am bound to get married to a Russian Jew former colleague against all odds. I am still (a) working (girl) and he's still in the business.
cold sweat
04.11.05 (5:59 am) [edit]I can't believe it is already after seven in the morning before I have made up my mind to do nothing for today. Precisely it is only about writing that I have to be done with by today. And some reading in french.
low morale
04.10.05 (8:20 pm) [edit]It is very difficult to get motivated although I have to get two pieces of writing done added to lots of reading that's got no limit. I wound up falling asleep when I meant to lie down with my hubby cat around one pm? It was already eight-ish when I crawled out of bed.
GiGi
04.10.05 (8:17 am) [edit]Saw this musical classic made in 1958 by Minelli. Am I the only one to see it as a crude domestication (and/or commodification) of a woman? It might make a good comparison with the Bad Girl Monica by Ingmar Bergman.
the collegedropout
04.10.05 (3:06 am) [edit]I have to admit, after all, that all the things I did in the course that I am currently in is to drop out feels negative.
african't
04.09.05 (3:17 pm) [edit]I bought another pair of flip-flop for a beach walk this summer. This is fourth that I have bought this spring. It is not too soon to have them prepared in NY. It gets Summer so soon that you hardly feel Spring in NY, or Brighten Beach. They are too eager to wait the real summer in August to enjoy it but it is always beach season for them there. Strangely moping around, I bought a very bright pair of the right ones for summer so that I will get lifted up even a little bit.
pang of detachment
04.09.05 (7:03 am) [edit]I spent a whole night utterly unproductive and here comes the sun. I managed to remove another round of trash for a last couple of years at least. At this point, I don't suffer for a pang of farewell for my attachment or the reminiscence those belongings stirred in me but I just rush to get rid of those as if I want to remove some physical annoyance. Obviously I suspect that the low feeling or the inexplicable moping might be attributed to this newly picked up activity of my favorite.
tonight
04.09.05 (1:07 am) [edit]A call from my former co-worker kept me on the phone for almost two hours tonight. It was quite unusual us to find each other not at work on Friday night. There should be a couple of reasons of it. It was not so long ago that she got mugged and taken all the cash she had when at a session. This brutality is one of the possibility when might run into when we are at work and she did run into it. I was away from work tonight because I wanted to focus on some school work that I need to comlete to some extent tonight, which is not likely any more.
I was relieved to hear that she was leaving the work with a full gear for she had been going through worst times recently and I believe her shifting her focus into day time as a hair dresser on the make. She is breaking up her abusive husband and it takes a lot of work to get away from it and build up her new life all over again.
I have been through the shittiedt time, which I am not certain that I would be able to leave as she will as she moves on, that is heavily related to my school work and life change. I am feeling too low any way until I make up my mind; or other factor will make my mind up after all. It is just that I need to examine what is making me feel this shitty and what it really means to be in it and how I can straighten myself up in a real sense. My work has very little to do with it.
Life is a political process, no matter what the job.
04.09.05 (12:22 am) [edit]Today's title is from Tracy Quan in her interview in The Underground, the author of Diary of Manhattan Call Girl, whose sequal is coming out this Sep, referring her former profession as same as mine. She seems share her idea with me about the life and politics as well.
have seen
04.07.05 (5:29 am) [edit]Anna by Nikita Mikhailkov; the documentary film that follows the director's own daughter for thirteen years from six to nineteen years of her growth along with the social change Soviet Union went through and its collaps of 91. Beginning of 1980, six years-old Anna became focus of the director's examination of the effect of totalitarian propaganda had on children in the society with this method; he keeps asking same questions to her and studies the change, such as "What do you fear most?" "What do you want?" What do love?" "What do you like to be?"
It occurred to me that I might be able to do it to myself every year. How about my birthday this year?
The movie was a bit too didactic and predictable with certain apparent anti communism perspective. Of course it is easy to say anything like that looking back when it was gone.
"In an overwhelming manner, the maturity of Anna suddenly becomes harmonious with the collapse of communism and the rebirth of a liberal Russia" from the description.
However, I did not fail to spot what kind of a car Mikhalkov was driving; Mercedez, at the time of 91, when regular people were starving on the street. After all , this was a man who was way more previledged as a film maker who spent long time outside of the country and the daughter could take off to Switzerland for her education right away in the social collapse. I have kept fiding this director somehow unconvincing and these might attribute to it.
ah
04.06.05 (6:17 pm) [edit]No child left behind policy; I missed a class in the evening. It was already six thirty when I woke up.
vanity? what for?
04.06.05 (6:42 am) [edit]I sent an evil mail to G hopign this would put an end.
This man G and I were once living together when he was still married; I let him live in my apartment when he fled his marriage until he found another woman to go after. This is a long time ago. I was never in love with man but meant to be helpful until I discovered that this way of kindness'd never help him; he was a kind who would stay as he really did unless anything hurted him. That was how I kicked him out of my place and found myself disturbed for the damage caused by this situation. The reason I still have to brood on this ancient history is because this man has been quite a burden in my life. Today I just wrote to him requesting to remove himself from my life. He now is divorced happily and living with a young woman. Yes, he is very well taken care of on top of I do not need his freindship. The reason he is still pestoring me is, according what he discribes is he is "concerned for my well being". This is the exact rethoric men resort to when they really want to get some benefit from women, or when THEY need to be taken care of. In other words, they always use the speech pattern of offering something when they really want to take. My answer to this favor is "What do you want to take more from me? You took enough already. " I am figuring he might want to regain his honor that had been proven none to me in the past. Well, two things can be said.
a) Well, too late.
b) what do you need to restore it for? Like you did not do anything to me.
However, there is no limit of guy's vainity and greed. His enthusiasm might be directed to this sort of area; good facade. He can't take it if he might be conceived as a bad guy when he really proved himself to be it. All in all, it is pointless.
what do you blog for?
04.06.05 (2:30 am) [edit]The motif that I had to blog in the first place is no longer remembered. The beginning was around the year-end 2003, so it has been almost a year and a half. I kept blogging steadily and empty-minded up until the contract expired; the reason that I stuck to the host that had no idea to atract wider audiences was because they offered freeloading plus alfa for a year. The idea that I would be able to take advantage of it made me stay, which was not a very good idea as I think back now. The first and foremost, the host was ultimately opened for limited audiences and day by day, I was losing the sight that I was writing for open audiences rather than writing only for myself.